Tak-tak-tak type away the keyboards. “The hive partition — batch options — ummm — what’s driving this — you know that — sometimes it is — ha ha .. spark job failing — we are not going 5 points but still — I think the score for this is 25 seconds — it is a very different scenario — ” … the incessant voices bombard my ears. Girl, everyone around you is hammering out line upon line of code — why are you complaining? There’s no time for your whining — get on work will you? The keys keep typing away in background. You don’t want to fall back. Your highness, use these highest standard noise-cancelling headphones that your ever-caring company bought for you and stop making excuses.

What is wrong with me, I ask Google. A blog tells me that I am the quintessential procrastinator. I match the whole description — yes he knows me well, I keep putting writing the unit tests to the end of the day, to the end of week, yes — to the point when I am answerable. Deep down, it tells me, I know I am a lazy bum. I don’t want to get out of my bed. The author somehow knows the darkest of my concerns, for he too was there, that I don’t have the jest for life that others have. I hear, ‘She can read a blog, the noise doesn’t bother her now’ — I want to reply with a witty remark, but wait, a slack message. I don’t have a response to it — I have no idea what they are asking. I am in tech and I have no idea of all these things they all keep talking about. No one shall find out. Let me check other slack channels while I am at it. A meme, a joke, food photos. People have so much fun at office. What’s wrong with me? Back to the blog. Yes, I am attending the meeting. Will be right there. That was a good meeting that I didn’t get half of. No one shall find out. Wait, we have 15 minutes before lunch. Phone. Whatsapp. Ha ha. No way! That is awesome. Telegram. I miss you too. Insta. Heart! I wish there was a double heart!

Yes, lunch. I wait in the queue, because this is a company of equals — all positions. Did you see the other day that CTO grabbed food from here? Except the staff who serves us, of course. They carry the trays full of food in and out, shuttle the dirty dishes and cutlery out — did their kids have lunch today? Wait, the garbage is full of extra food on people’s plate, no time to think — get that bag out. I cram my plate with the healthy greens. I am happy with my plate, take a picture — so proud that I am eating healthy. Should I turn vegan? Should I try the no-carb diet?

Someone at the lunch table talks about the new coconut water they brought in. Wow! I must be really ungrateful for not being happy working at this amazing company. Learn to appreciate small things, you arse. That is all there is. Someone has to do the engineering — to work the cogs of this whole machinery. Else it stops. What if it stops?

Silly, how can it stop. Back to the desk, a code review. This is my revenge time — last time that guy commented how a comment should look. Let me show him how the code is supposed to be written. Easier said than done, my fellow, easier said than done.

Oh yes, the all-hands. Yes, be right there. Tak-tak-tak type the keyboards, as I walk. Whose keyboards are these? Why can’t I figure out my life? At least I think about it. I am pretty sure most don’t. That’s something — I never settle. I am a fighter.

yawn This presentation is so boring. Why do people try to make it so simplistic? “Classy” is another word for lack of creativity. It smells of rules, of following the protocol. Ha ha — That’s a good one. I should use it somewhere when I write. Oh yes — the presentation. Our move from redshift to hive is 50% complete. Claps all around. Of course, it will never be 100% because we will have another requirement and a new migration taking place before that is done. So, let’s celebrate the half-point.

yawn I need coffee, such a lazy bum I am. I should move at times, hit the gym. I am a fighter, I will not settle. I will figure out things soon — I will have a plan very soon. Either to live here, or to leave. Tak-tak-tak type the keyboards — it’s 3 pm. I can sense another day gone by — another one slipping from my hand. It reminds me of the unfinished blog that I was reading. Does the author tell how to solve my problem? He knows everything about me — I should at least finish … “What are your plans for this weekend?” Oh yes, the weekend. Shoot, yes. That I still need to do. I don’t even match these people in killing time. Arthur goes surfing. Blair goes to climb mountains. He paints, she dances, the keyboards go typing away, “then we are super fast — no the infra team said they won’t do it for us — you’ve got to try this restaurant — user facts -”, running a marathon, that one is a triathlon finisher.

Tak-tak-tak type the keyboards. Should I leave now? Maybe in another 15 minutes. Nytimes.com. Oh, Trump. Shooting. Ryan Gosling. Democrat. Genetic analysis. Read! Don’t sound like a dumbo at least beyond work. Leave. Now.

Click — an empty house, at last. No noise. Silence. Are others going out for dinner? Am I anti-social? How can you feel lonely — you were surrounded by people the whole day and wanted to get out of there! Don’t overthink. I hate silence. Netflix.

Weekend. If only there was only one corner where I could go, where I could escape. All the bewilderment. Escape. Escape.

Escape.

I lie on my couch right in the stream of sun. Not reading, not watching TV. Not with any person, without a single sound. I lie there, the sun rays falling off me as I observe the particles in its stream. I wiggle my fingers trying to break their perfect path. I see beyond the window, and there stands tall a tree by itself. It’s leaves shimmying carelessly. A gentle breeze plays around my ankles, I look at my arm under the sunlight. I feel the sun on my face. I pull the end of the throw from the couch’s back over myself. I doze off.

But they pay you so effing much. I agree, oblige, breath-in and swipe my card on Monday morning. Tak-tak-tak type the keyboards … “Geohash files — we switched to these metrics — some people on social networking — some banks choose certain branches to do — I feel like it is kind of customer side issue — ha ha ha ha — although your question — this was unprompted …”